Sunday, October 31, 2010

Aku dan mase lalu..

Akhirnye dpt gak aku publish post smlm yg aku tulis pnjg lebar 2nite..sengal nye tenet..sape r yg jaht curik cable ni..sbaik de berukband digi ni ar..haha. Skrg jam kul 01:58 (01/11/10)..tgh dgr lagu FT Island..love love love..

Still waiting for the call from the agency bout the works..even dh cnfirm dpt but still need to wait the official clarification.. =) Alhamdulillah.. rezeki memihak pada aku. Kadang2 aku terlupa..how lucky i am.. Since dri kecil, idup aku xpnah lekang pape..esp in terms of money n things.. Mostly, ape yg aku nk pasti dpt..as long as i strived and earn for it. Being daddy's little girl added the advantage..haha. Tp seriously..i'm always lucky. Stakat yg aku remember..mse SPM dlu..everyone sume beli borang ni..borang tu..mcm2..matrics la, UPU la..etc.. but aku??? Hmm..not interesting at all. Stu2nye borg yg aku beli ialah borang UPU. After SPM, trus kerja n help my dad with his restaurant dat time..semua isi kandungan borang aku xpnah amk tau. Yg isi sume bapak aku.. Pagi2 aku bgn juz sign document.. I never knew anything bout university..none!

Even the day result kuar pon aku xtau..yg cntact aku my fren, Faris. Dia yg inform n offer check kn result aku.. And kelakarnye i managed to get thru lak tu.. Tp yg wt aku suffer dlu when dpt tau my dad apply uia. What?!! Dat morning i cried..not bcoz i'm sad to leave the house but bcoz my reluctant to go there. Aku ni xde la daif sgt soal agama..yes, i still pray wlaupon tunggang terbalik dat time.. juz, the rules n lifestyle kt sane wt aku suffer sket. I'm a free hair girl..come from kebangsaan school..have lots of boys friend..and few girl yg aku kenan nk kawan. Bit tomboyish pon dlu..bkn bangga..but dats me..dlu. Bygkn budak yg agak social cm aku tetibe kna duk tmpt mcm tu. Uia dlu like a hell prison for me..sgt xske..esp matrics..

Life in matrics really make me suffer..seriously. Bg aku,mse tu girls was discriminated..coz most of the equipment utk sports n everything sume lelaki yg conquer.. Starting from there badan aku naik until now..coz i stop exercise..dlu nk kte athletics sgt tu idakla..tp stakat emas 2,3 ketul tu mesti dpt la every year.. Nk kate kurus skinny pon x,juz normal size.. Tp mse tu mmg disaster la..nk kna pkai stokin, pkai jubah seluar pon xbley..nk kna pkai kain dlm la..mcm2! Dh la aku ni bju krg pon jrg pkai..except uniform skolah jer..haha. Raye pon pkai kjap jer..hmm..bygkn cmne aku survive mse tu..how hard i tried to adapt myself dgn new environment.. Bile kt main campus bru ok sket.. Tp spnjg aku duk uia..mcm2 org aku knal..esp species yg plg aku bnci..bajet bgus! Konon tudung labuh baik sgt lar! Bkn prejudice, tp dorg ske judge others yg len sket dri dorg tu cm la kte ni jahat sgt.. Not all,but most of them mcm tu.. yes,aku de jmpe ramai kakak2 yg tdg labuh..tp sgt baik..even tgk muke dye pon kite leh nmpk ksucian mreka terserlah sgt2..i adore them. Tp mlgnyer..spjg idup aku kt uia ni..majoriti yg tdg labuh smua lgi truk dri aku yg biasa2 ni.

Dan sebab tu juge aku lebih prefer utk jdi dri sndri..biarla org kate aku ni liar ke jahat ke..aku xkesah! As long as aku tau siapa aku sbnr2nye.. Skrg2nye aku xhipokrit dgn dri aku sndri.. Aku benci dgn org yg ske mnilai org lain seolah2 mreka itu perfect sgt. Bg aku..ckupla klau kite jg hal kite dlu sblm sebok mncari ksalahan org lain. Tak perlu nk judge other people.. Kdg2 org yg bese2 cm aku ni lagi BAIK dri org2 yg mnutup aurat & btudung tu.. Majoriti yg aku jumpe mse blaja dlu pon dh cukup utk buka mate aku ni sluas2nyer.. SEDIH.. coz walaupon mreka sembahyang nye sempurna siap dgn sunat2nye..tp masih xmampu nk mjaga diri dr maksiat n still xsedar but keeps on cari n kutuk org lain pasal benda yg sama mreka lakukan. So pathetic!! Mgkin bukan semua..yess..masih ramai yg baik2 di luar sana..n sye percaye sume tu masih ade.. juz kdg2 sedih dgn mreka2 yg bpeluang mngenali agama terlebih dahulu tetapi mcacatkn agama itu sndri. Aku bkn ustazah..tp aku juge seperti insan lain yg masih cube mperbaiki dri sndri hari demi hari..


ME...xpernah skali mnyesal memilih jalan ini kerana kesalahan mgajar sye erti pngajaran. Pngajaran mbuat sye mnjadi insan yg lebih baik. Belajar dri kesilapan majdikan sye insan yg lebih kuat..krana stiap kslahan yg sye lakukn akn sntiasa mjadi iktibar utk sye smpai bile2.. ME..bsyukur dgn apa yg ade.. =)

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